How Being a Fat Bride Taught me Radical Self Love

When I got married I was fat. And I don’t care.

When I got engaged I started a weight loss blog m with the intention of doing what I thought you were supposed to do before a wedding: lose a lot of weight. I started recording weight, talking about my fitness that week, and desperately tried to become one of those women who wears leggings and a sports bra everywhere because they were always ready for fitness. I got swept up in the notion that I needed to be thin and have toned arms in order to look good in my wedding dress because you know, “wedding pictures will last forever.”

I created a plan in my head of a certain amount of calories a day, set up exercise goals, and got busy downloading apps and creating spreadsheets. I took before pictures, which I abhorred. I stared at them dissecting the way my belly stuck out and my extra chin. I posted them as a mugshot of this criminal body and hoped it would shame me into making myself different.  I started down this path and even created a few posts with my progress and shared some feelings about why I wanted to make this change.  Inevitably, each week I would get off to a “good” start, and then have a setback when I had dessert, or went to the tasting room and enjoyed a beer. These moments I would beat myself up, feel angry and ask myself WHY? Why couldn’t I just stick to one simple plan? Why couldn’t I just change and be the beautiful bride that are in the magazines and plastered across my Pinterest boards?

After months of wedding planning, constant struggles with myself, a new wedding dress, and financial struggles I was just overwhelmed. Something had to give. And that something was the obsession I had with how I was going to look in my wedding dress. I chose a dress that fit me like a glove and made me feel so beautiful when I wore it, but I also told myself that I had time to lose weight so I could get it altered when the time for the wedding came so I would be proud to share my wedding photos.  Eventually, I removed the last part of that sentence. I focused on how beautifully the dress fit and how it made me feel.

I stopped obsessing about food every day, I still made a conscious effort to eat healthfully and move around when I could, but I had to stop beating myself up because I would have flabby arms and a round face at my wedding.  Would muscle tone and a single digit dress make my husband love me any more? Would my family and friends be happier for me on that day if I was thin? Would I have better memories of the start of my married life if I weighed less? No. So I moved forward and lived life and had a wonderful wedding.

Now, when I look at my photos I see how much my husband loves me, not my arm jiggle. I see how much fun our guests had, not that second chin. I see how happy my parents were for us, not my belly. And most importantly, I see me.

Four years after my wedding, I look the same. Now I look at photos and see the body that brought my beautiful son into the world, the arms that give hugs to the people I love, and genuine happiness because my body is mine. Amazing and mine. I choose to love it and live a happy life.

You can check out all of our photos HERE!